It was really hard for me, leaving home and everything, I wish I could actually express all my feelings in words but that will be so difficult because all those emotions will come running back. Those goodbyes, that good long hug of mama and her turning back to hide her tears, those phone calls of sister saying goodbyes again and again, that niceness of my brother who usually ends up fighting with me, all those instructions of Papa again and again everyday saying we don’t need to instruct you on how to live your life. Those force downloading of video games by my youngest brother was all their way of saying goodbyes.
All the elders in the family, everyone was anxious to meet me just to say their goodbyes, all the prayers and all the lunch and dinners in the last few days, all that coming to meet me, all those gifts and cash was all their way of saying goodbye.
All my cousins, from the older ones who gave me all the tips on how to start a new life at a new place to the youngest ones in the family who asked me questions like Raafay Bhai will you sacrifice your own goat this Eid? Why don’t you pack me in the bag and take me along? Were all depressing to say the least.
It is not as if It is the first time away from family, it is not as if everything happened all of a sudden or that I was scared but then this is a phase of life when I needed family, they needed me and I was finally beginning to feel I had a life.
The only thing I was worried about was that EVERYTHING will change again and change big time. The only thing I felt sorry was how much I had argued with my parents trying to prove I was right and that I know everything, all the time I had raised my voice. The only feeling I had was guilt and the only prayer I had was for Allah to give me a proper chance to make my parents happy.
All these feelings staye with me until It was early morning when Papa was there to drop me at the airport, trying his best to stay strong.
After that I was all on my own.
There were so many people at the Airport as you would expect, most of them were going home after vacations and were extremely happy, which made me more sad haha. It took me three hours to to get all the process done from the boarding card to getting the luggage loaded. Exactly after 3 hours Papa called me asking if I needed any more help as he was still standing outside the airport.
I called Mama, my brother and then sister for one reason or the other just to hear their voices again.
It was flight time. I am sitting in the Airplane right now while writing this post, well lets say too sad to write anything more, so hope to write again soon.