A Brief moment of Ecstasy

Photo Credits: Umama Uzair

Written By: Maham Shahbaz

He ran out to his balcony and sat under the stars…looked at them trying to distract himself from the unpleasant conversation he just had all the unpleasant incidents of the day but sometimes the uncertainty is too much to bear. The ignorance, it gets to your bones. Sometimes you doubt if you even exist and you feel like this is just a vivid dream like the one you had last night…And maybe you think that walking away is something everyone is best at But maybe that was the best for you.

He looked out and shook his head trying to shake off the heavy thoughts. He tried thinking about a pleasant future…the only escape from the present was a happy future, at least imagining it was…

“And what is best? A relative term … relative to what?
What is happy? A relative term … relative to what?
What is tragedy? A relative term … relative to what?
What is heart breaking pain? A relative term? No.
And in relative to what? The past?
The past where you no longer live?

Which is a tale?
And the future? A pain?
Pain…excruciating pain...Pain every where
Pathos makes us human? No
Instincts make us human
But animals act on instincts, humans filter theirs…no! No! I must not think….”

He said aloud. But only silence was the reply…always silence is the reply even words are silent. What does he want? Why is he not at peace? Maybe religion will help? But no, he tried that. Just too many questions. He went inside his room, maybe music will help. He turned on his most happy song…
….Everything in the universe tries to attain the state of completion…State of ecstasy? No … just a state of completeness. Where something makes sense…..

He turned up the volume on high to block his thoughts and started singing the lyrics. He couldn’t even hear his own voice and smiled that now he wouldn’t be thinking….

…even human feelings make no sense. Anger? What is anger? Isn’t it just a state when mind is out of control? But no…mind is never out of control…the problem is that it is always in control
Happiness? Where everything negative is positive…it is a reflex action from all the negative…an illusion
Sadness? A state where you no longer realize the existence of positive love? A moment…brief moment of ecstasy but there is no ecstasy , love , anger , happiness sadness … just relative feelings of a human….feelings ?....

Annoyed he turned off the music and got into his bed. Sleep will help but nightmares wont. If only tears were enough to end the pain the uncertainty the cluster of maybes, that he had. He tossed and turned for a while and finally went to sleep thinking

… a place where he laughed and laughed like a crazy person but that was pure laughter with contentment of heart. Where he had nothing to worry about and no one to wait for all day. Where every moment brought him peace. Where the birds sang. The sun shown bright and cool breeze like the brief moment of ecstasy he one experienced…in short he imagined a perfect world ….