Silhouette

Written By: Maham Shahbaz. 

Remember that thread she told me of? The one that connects me to my body, I think it broke. She said it could and I think it did.

I feel nothing, not alive, not dead, no regret about how I ignored my morals for that one person, no will to carry on. I’m okay now but I’m not okay. She said it would be like this, it was “part of the symptoms,” she said, “part of the process.”

I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming, just like the night before, and the night before that. I can’t remember when it began, or why. What was it they told me? Depression, guilt, stress… Don’t remember any of it, just darkness, and someone screaming for help. I run towards the sound. There, in the corner, I cant see their face, I move towards them, I want to comfort them, tell them that its okay, that I'm there now. Something about that scream makes me want to run towards it and calm it down but as I get closer I notice that the person screaming has my face and my body...is it me? As I get closer I begin to scream and I become that person.

But when they wake me up I see his silhouette in a corner, like always he stays and I feel calm and comforted... but he isn't real.

...but then the only time I felt connected to myself was during that dream and that wasn’t real either.