Written by: Midhat Amna.
And no one’s really sure who’s letting go today, walking away’
It kept playing through her mind as she lumbered down the corridor, until she realized the instrumental was already echoing in the ballroom.
She had it figured since a long time. The coming in late each night, Bryan growing nervous every time the phone beeped in her presence. The excuses, rather the plain refusals he’d pass each time she would suggest going out. Moreover, it was the raging silence that spoke all along. It was the strangeness between them,that stole the place of love and contentment they shared.His eyes were daggers, slowly stabbing her each time he looked into hers. With emptiness. With unreasoned hatred.It was also the hushed greetings they exchanged, the empty hugs and the vacuous kisses only she prompted. It wasn’t her high school sweetheart anymore she’d seldom talk to. And every time they were together, Julie realized that the man beside her wasn’t the one who proposed her twelve years back on the deck of Monarch, no, she failed to recognize this man.
It’s funny,isn’t it? How your entire world is dependent on just a step ahead,one glimpse.He was there,alright,one hand resting on the woman’s bare shoulder,his fingers laced into hers.They were dancing under the dimly lit chandelier,oblivious to the presence of a third person.A third person.Julie stood there completely bewildered.She had an expression on her face you can’t really put a name to,but one you could only feel.And although she knew this was coming,she never imagined this moment to be so excruciating.This was the kind of moment she’d give up anything to just have it erased form her memory.She kept staring at them until the image blurred.This image,so disturbing yet undeniably beautiful…and then it finally hit her,she was not the one embracing a twirl,slowly being wrapped up in Bryan’s solid arms.She was not the one.
The wedding ring caught her brim eyes.This very souvenir of their ‘commitment’ that had kept her believing in something that no longer existed. Aren’t wedding bands so ridiculously deceiving? This so gold a ring that held all the vows,promises and memories,this oh-so-solid form of their love,correction;her love,yet ironically gifted by him.It lay there as it was the day it was slided on to her finger.How can an ornament not tarnish when a relationship entirely based upon it can,and did. Did none of it matter anymore? Did it ever matter? Is love that temporary,that weak? She stood there shuddering at the thought.Although she had prepared her confrontation;rehearsing it over a thousand times,shifting words,trying to sound simple yet effective,but she’d forgotten all of it at this moment,she was blank.Every fibre of her body recoiled in indignant horror.She stood their caught between denial and acceptance,until a jolt of realisation shook her.She needed to get out of here.She didn’t belong here,anywhere,because she was not the one.
‘If we could take the time
To lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin’ that you were mine’
She stole a glance at herself into the rear view mirror. How flawless.She was reminded of all the struggle she put herself through;from endless appointments with dermatologists to the countless collections of anti-aging creams,the best make-up brands in the state,all those days she starved herself just to fit in a dress which caught Bryan’s attention, all the changes she made to her personality just to suit her husband.How she left every one and every thing just to be with him.And how she finally lost herself in the process.Carving herself into someone her husband had desired,just to be left like an old,chipped cup in the darkest corner of a cupboard.
She drove as fast as she could.She had to get away.She lost grip of the emotions cascading through her.It wasn’t just anger,it was grief.It was the agony searing through her.She was not the one.”I AM NOT THE ONE,” she finally broke the silence that had consumed her for so long.
Why does love have to be so all-consuming? Why is it supposed to either make you,or break you? Why does it have to be so strong to shatter you in pieces,and at the same time so weak to never even hold on for much long? Why? She was going 90 mph.The sky mocked her,lightening from black to violet to mauve,the rain drops beat the windscreen.And then it happened.The Camry plunged off the viaduct,crashing into the waterbody beneath.
‘So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
Cause nothing lasts forever
Even cold November rain’
She hummed the lyrics until her voice cracked.And then darkness followed,first filling her eyes,and then her entire world-forever.Don’t you see how strong true love is? How merciless? Never does it die,however,it’s victims often do.