The Joker Life

Do good, do good, do good, do good, do good, make one mistake and you become the worst. Yeah.
Be nice, be nice, be nice, be nice, be nice and you say one thing wrong you become the worst. Yeah.
Be there, be there, be there, be there, be there and one time you can't be there you become the worst. Yeah.

In short you try and do all the right things, all the good things, all you can and one thing goes slightly wrong, here it is, everything you do for everyone is forgotten.

Hahah yes that's the joker life. Or maybe my life. Anyways.

There is this unknown fear in the heart, this negativity in my thoughts, this confusion in doing things, this sadness in the mood. But that's how the cycles of life are. To be honest, I don't know why I feel so weird these days.

Maybe it has something to do with me thinking about the past, or maybe it has to do with the depressing English weather, maybe it has to do with the kind of music that I am listening to these days, maybe it has something to do with the deteriorating health, maybe it is because less choice in the food, maybe it is because of the people who want me to act like a robot these days, maybe because I am observing too much or maybe I am expecting from people too much.

There is just too much pressure from everywhere and everyone. To be very very honest, I really don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone these days.

It is not like there are no good or happy things happening in my life, God is kind and they are but hey, can you rant about happy things? No. I just want to rant about something.

Interesting thing is that when you talk about sad things they call it ranting, you talk about happy and good things in life they call it showing off, how crazy is this world, smh.

Even the University is boring these days, made new friends yes. But this new semester and the professors are so weird, last semester I actually felt like spending my nights at the university even and this semester I just feel like the lectures end as soon as possible. The burden is too much for me to handle in any case. Studies during day, work at nights, social work on the weekends and then my added luxury of tweeting all day makes things no better.

The short days and the weather doesn't help either. What else can a person do when its night as early as 4 PM and it rains and snows all the time and all you can do is to sit in a room and eat and sleep and just stare and just do nothing literally. Can't even go out for a walk let alone jogging or gym.

Cricket team isn't doing any wonders either or else there was at least one source of diversion, one thing to look forward to. You stay awake all night, don't sleep for two days and your team ends up losing like some drunks, proves you have a worst life for sure.

Well I even miss the people back home! This time had to come actually, I have been trying not to think about anyone back home but well, I am human. But its okay, it is not as if they miss me. I mean, in a way they'll be thankful in a way I am thankful they are thankful.

Or maybe I am always like this? Pretending happiness is like a hobby. Sometimes by being lame, sometimes by being stupid, sometimes by trying to be funny. But for how long? There is a limit.

Guess its about time I set myself free, guess its about time I stop caring about what people want and do what I want, guess its time to move on from so many things and people. Guess its about time I change the type of music I listen to, or maybe something better? cut myself off from everyone or at least shut up for now because nothing ever changes and the joker life goes on.