P.S. I Love You

Written By: Anonymous.

‘How does it happen? Love?’

‘What’s the word even supposed to mean?’

‘ I mean, does it even exist? Do two people actually like each other?’

‘Will I ever fall in love with someone or will anyone love me?’

All common questions for people like me. Till a few months ago, when I was in the midst of my 3am thoughts..

You know how you come up to the belief, ‘Oh my, I’m too weird for anyone to love me’, trust me when I say this, it fades away when you come up to the stage of being loved. Afterwards, you feel like the best person in the world. For him, at least; and to be quite honest, he’s the only one that actually concerns you then. You could be the prettiest person in the world, the kind of person who never gives into people’s compliments because she already knows, but when he tells you so, you stare at yourself in the mirror as if you had doubted it and you blush for 5 minutes, thinking to yourself, ‘Gosh, he thinks I'm pretty.’

All those stupid questions you had in your head regarding the feeling – they gradually vanish. It starts like this..

You two start talking on a social network. He wishes you on your birthday and you take him as a normal guy who’s just wishing you out of common courtesy, you be polite and thank him. Boy, you don’t know what you just got into. You just entangled yourself into something big, something you wouldn’t imagine of taking place and something you will fear to ever end.

That pointless conversation continues. You forget the birthday, you forget the people on that forum who are reading everything you say, and you begin to talk about who can draw better;  you challenge him, he accepts it. He draws the stupidest mountain with trees, you crticize it because you just aren’t the one to be nice to people, yet he doesn’t mind. Gradually, you begin to talk day in and day out. Not on normal topics, but stuff like, ‘What if we both are related through our great, great, great-grandfathers?’

You have good laughs, good moments with each other. You go out, you have that stupid joke on your mind. ‘Uh-oh..why am I thinking of him?’ is what you think to yourself. That’s when you should be wise enough to understand whats happening to you. ‘It’s just an infatuation.’ you tell yourself. Don’t do that, because it’ll turn out to be more than that.

You tell him so much about yourself, literally open up. You tell him about your crush(es), not even remembering that tingly feeling you had for him. He listens, he gives you advice. You think to yourself, ‘Yeah, he definitley doesn’t have a thing for me.’ and forget all about that thought you had.

Times passes, and one day, you hear his voice. ‘Wow…he…wow.’ is all that comes out of your mouth. You tell him that, after carefully debating with yourself on whether you should or shouldn’t. But apparently, our hearts like to overtake our brains, and so you end up complimenting it, pretty out of the usual for you. Turns out nobody’s ever told him that. Why on earth would no on tell him how…um…sexy, his voice is..

New Year’s comes, time to exchange wishes. You tell each other to never change because you’re already perfect the way you are. What mainstream stuff, right? Yeah..turns out, it was the hardcore truth.

Valentine’s comes, you both are single as one can be, never dated, never intend on it either. You two rant about the single life together. Teasing each other to go and talk to that crush you had a few months ago..who knew what would happen next Valentine’s..

His birthday comes, you’ve already convinced yourself that you don’t like him, and well, unintentionally, you fall asleep waking up at 2am, thinking of what a bad person you are for not wishing someone this close to you. You say the most pointless things you can come up with at that hour, what do you know? He doesn’t mind and instead understands. What a sweet boy, right? (He has two sides, trust me on this.)

Exam month is up next. You two should be studying, and we did, we didn’t get A*s for no reason, but somehow, through all the chaotic study sessions, we made time to talk to each other, what’s better than that?  Then summer comes along. Not only does it change the perspective you’ve had on love, but it makes you do things you never, I mean, never, expected yourself to do, let alone at 2am.

Then from an antagonistic, unfeeling guy, you see a sentimental, lovey-dovey, caring, shy and mushy guy. Wow. Perfect timing. (Which it was, if you knew the story, you’d be astonished as to how God sequences things to happen, but let’s save that for another time.)

That summer, it changed everything for the days to come after it. New rules. New aspirations. More motivation, more support.

He is someone so amazing, that I suffer a loss of words when I try to describe him. It led to something beyond imagining. It led to love.

A kind of love that has become a passion. A love that others idealize, I now have. A love others envy, I have. The kind of love couples that have been together for years want, I have. All in all, I have the love you all desire. And it's all thanks to this once in a lifetime kind of boy.

And remember that voice I was talking about? Yeah, I crave to hear it everyday.

 Thank you for coming into my life. I love you, and never will I mean that any less.

 - 👑