Twisted Tale of the Untwisted

Just as I have clicked the ' New Post ' I have forgotten everything that I had planned to write. There was so much going in my mind and I just wanted to type it all down. If it were the 'good old days' I would have wrote it all down.

People say sharing is caring. If you share things, it makes you feel better. But sharing never makes me feel better. It makes me feel I am being a burden on others so I do otherwise and just take a break from everything and stay away from humans, give time to myself. It helps, it really does and that is perhaps the only thing that keeps me human.

How can you share the sad parts of your life, your secrets with others when you are the person who wants to bring a positive change, who people look towards when they need some motivation or want to feel better? You just can't you just have to act all strong and be there for people when they need you.

Helping people, making them feel better, bringing a smile on their face, that is what gives me the most  happiness myself. So whenever there is something bad or sad going in my life I keep it to myself. People trying to make me happy never helps. Me making people happy always helps.

Friends can misunderstand you for not trusting them, people can have doubts in their minds about you, others can talk about you all day, blaming you for so many things, but you just have to stay quiet and see things happen when you don't want to share.

Then you have secrets. It is better to keep your secrets to yourself only. I mean it is good to share things with  your friends, but there are always some secrets that are best kept to yourself.

I have three secrets. Three main, simple secrets. Okay make them four. They cost me much, already they really have.

But then you are left with two choices. Either you share with people and gain sympathy and their time or you keep it to yourself and see people leaving you, calling you fake from what they see. It hurts, trust me a lot, esp when you know you have to keep things to yourself.

When they leave you they talk about you. Forget all the promises made, telling you and others, things about you that they think are right.

It is not easy to let people go away..

I really have no choice here, complex, yes these things are complex. (No relationship problems just in case you are wondering) But then I guess I should give it a try and share.

But then there are people who share their secrets with you. You promise them to keep them. PROMISE. That's a word which people take too lightly, I can't.

I am a good secret keeper and when people trust you so much and you are sincere then you have to keep those promises even when it means it will ruin your reputation, people will call you things, they'll make fun of you. But that's where you have to be stronger than ever.

You have to protect people, you have to cover up for them, you have to do that.

This brings one more problem along. Most of the people think what they see is right, even when it isn't. This doze of 'you have so many friends' this just gets on my nerves. Trust me I don't even have 2 people to share or trust properly.

That is the reason I am always in search of good people, exploring people, believing that humans teach more than books, hoping that one day I will find the type of people I want to talk and share.

What do I do here? People wanting me to be there for them but not being there for me? No way to go. Thankfully I don't over expect even if I trust people a lot.

But still, how do I make people understand? When I can't or I don't want to or maybe they don't want to? .... Hope. I still  have hope.