Y U NO KEEP YOUR STUPID NOSE OUT

About a month and a half ago, I woke up at 6, dressed up grudgingly and after following the regular charade, which includes an argument with my mother, I was on the bus an hour later.

Now that bus was not ANY bus. It was the only lonely bus which goes where I go and comes every 20 minutes. And when it comes, it is so much loaded with passengers k ALLAH NA KARAY accident hojaye tou about 5% population of Kiranchi would be reduced. Kher. I got on the bus and eventually found a seat.

One thing to know about me is that I am a nailart fanatic. It is a usual occurrence that my face is not washed but my nails have nailart matching my clothes. And I am NOT a morning person, so if you want to mess up your relation with me, poke me in the morning.

Kher I sat on the seat, put on the earphones and started listening to songs when this lady next to me motioned me to remove my earphones. Very unwillingly I removed the earphones expecting her to ask the time but instead she goes:

“Yeh tum ney nakhunoon per kiya lagaya huwa hai? Musalman larkiyaan apney nakhunoon per kuch nahi lagatin. Yeh sakht na pasandida amal hai. Mar jaogi tou ghusal bhi nahi diya ja sakay ga! Nakhoon katnay parengay!! Nakhuun polish sirf “khaas aiyyam” mein lagatay hain. Fahash larkiyaan lagati hain nakhoon polish. Blah blah blah..”

Aik tou I had an argument with mom in the morning, and now this lady went all Mualana Ibn-e-Taliban on me, my circuit was almost short. I listened to her blabber on for 8 minutes. She talked I pretended to listen and ignore the big mole on her nose. Eventually, when she got done, I said one thing:

“Aunty, mein christain hun.”

And the look on that old fart’s face was priceless!! She rotated herself and sat there stewing in embarrassment.

Now the reason I told this story is not to prove that I am a cut throat bitch, but to present with a very annoying question. Why the fuck can we not mind our own business? I am a muslim and I know I am wrong, but who was she to start lecturing me in the bus full of people who sat there judging me? Who gave her the right?

This madni munni is not the only case, we Pakistanis have a knack for poking out noses in places where we do not belong. In every street there is this one lady with no shame trying to pry on others. In every office there is this one guy who thinks it is his hierarchy right to know what other person is up to and how to masala-fy his simple blunder. In buses, in schools, in public places EVERY DAMN WHERE is one person who cannot stay in his pants and HAS TO irritate others.

Fine, we all love gossip and yesss, we should correct a person when we see him doing something wrong but oh my dear god! If a girl is wearing red lipstick, you don’t think her father saw it? You don’t think her mother saw it? If they have NO problem, why the fuck do you?

You know why god gives you your own children? So you can boss them around and spare others.

If you see a boy smoking, he KNOWS he is wrong!! You don’t have to threaten him and invoke the “beta ab rok k deikha” side of him.

Point of this whole blabbering is, live and let live. Naseem ka beta larki ko bike per le k jar aha tha tou janay do! Spare those foolish immortals. If Akber k ghar say jhagray ki awaaz arahi thi tou anay do! It’s their private matter, had they needed your opinion and guesswork or the BBC service, they know where you live! Please keep your noses stuck to your faces and let others live the way they want to live. Warna zubaan her Pakistani ke pass hai. Frustration har Pakistani ko hai and outlet kisi k pass nahi.Try not to get killed during one of your sermons, you would not be counted as Shaheed.

And p.s. NOBODY messes with me about my nailart. And us din tou nailart bhi angry birds ka tha!