Friday, December 20, 2013

Meh! The Weird, Insane me.

Three tough years. Sigh! Those were three tough years in Pakistan, no one has any idea what I went through every single day of these three years.

Most of the things that happened feel like impossible. Some may think it isn't true, some may think I am story telling, some may think I talk nonsense, you know everyone has different way of seeing.

Some say I don't tell them stuff, some say I hide things, some say I don't consider them friends.

How would anyone believe that I had death threats, I was almost kidnapped twice and poisoned too.

How would anyone believe that I had health related issues throughout and sometimes it just got the better of me.

How would anyone believe that I have spend so much time with superstitious beings.

How would anyone believe that I can't be like others, normal ones no matter what I do.

How would anyone believe that I had to hide things just to protect myself but most importantly the people who are close to me.

How would anyone believe that I can spoil my reputation just so that others look respectable.

How would anyone believe that I don't about my problems because I think they will get worse if I talk about them.

How would anyone believe that I stay quiet even when I see people talking about me, against me.

How would anyone believe I had to push people away from me because I actually cared for them.

How would anyone believe I had to go hiding every now and then.

How would anyone believe that I get tired of people every now and then and I need a break.

How would anyone believe that I pretend happy all the time when I had nothing close to happiness.

How would anyone believe that I just can't hate anyone not even the people I should hate, no matter how hard I try.

How would anyone believe that the foodie I am, I survived on an apple and yogurt for 10 months. :3

How would anyone believe that sharing is not caring, for me, it is just not good for me it reminds me of all the worst I have had.

How would anyone believe that I held myself together forcefully for so long and that it is the most difficult thing ever for me to do.

No one will and even if someone does it won't make any difference to their lives, it wont change anything, it wont set things right for me, it wont be a consolation, it won't make me close to anyone, it won't do anything to be very honest.


  1. I wasn't sure if I should comment or not but then I decided that it's what I think and nobody should have a problem with that.
    Maybe you don't want to share stuff about yourself but believe me it helps a lot. Aur dunya mein sab buray thori na hotay hain who will use you and then hurt you.
    Everyone gets their share of problems but sometime forgets thori khushi bhi tou sab ka hissa hai. When you wake everyday thinking about all the problems you have to face and then you look out of your window and the sun rising and that's what inspire you to go on. The feeling that we're alive is too great.
    P.S I don't know why but your personal posts make me so curious.

  2. Aqsa thank you so much for your kind words but you know words are easier said, and going through things is tough.
    HAHAHA what curiosity exactly? :p

  3. I know you. Actually, I knew you.
    I know the suffering you went through because it affected me too.
    I don't know anything about you now though.
    But I'll never forget the memories, dreams & everything we wanted but never got.
    I hope that someday we get to meet to reminisce.

  4. Yes it is easier said than done. But I don't know why but no matters how much life tests us with, I believe there is that thing that pushes us, forces us to go on and when that time is passed, we look back and take a sigh of relief and wonder that how can such small thing could make us feel so burdened.
    That I can't tell you :P
    I just wish that all your problems see their end too. :)

  5. people who smile the most are the ones who have been hurt the worst! but that is OK, cause that is where the strength to carry on, try harder and prove to be better comes from. No one but you will ever know what you went through, even if you did share, cause lets face it no one ever tells another person everything.
    You are smiling through to it all now, (even be they fake smiles) it means you got something from it.