Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Journey between Darkness and Light.

The End.

The very last thing I can remember was a strange feeling .. that I will be lost. I will be away from the people I love. I was hopeless, I thought this is the end and that life was cruel. But I wasn't really scared because there were my loved ones around me.

You depend on people a lot, before life, during life and after life, you need them all the time you want someone to be there for you in the good and bad times, but perhaps sometimes you don't care for them as much as they deserve, I thought.

But there was this emptiness, regret, the if and buts. Thoughts flowing, good and bad memories flashing. This bed I was on, it made a funny sound whenever I tried to move, it was irritating but I wanted to move.

You always think you have time to do things, you leave things for later, you don't enjoy the good times properly, but you are never sure of what tomorrow holds for you, if there ever will be a tomorrow for you, I thought.

Struggled, tried harder, I wanted to walk, away towards life but I just couldn't, perhaps it was too late. I remembered my favorite quote; Everything is okay in the end, if it is not okay it's not the end.

Finally it was time I closed my eyes, I could see everyone crying, some people pretending to be strong, others trying not to look towards me, all I could do was to think was to stay blank and to smile meekly and then ... I closed my eyes.


The Journey.

The very first thought in my mind was I am lost. Far away from the people I love, scared and alone, fear ran through me, I wanted to run but I felt trapped. It was dark, misty, cold ... and quiet.

I remember reading about dementors in Harry Potter, that they suck every good feeling, every happy memory out of you. and leave a person empty shelled. Perhaps this is the best way to explain how I felt.

And how badly I wanted this to end, I thought it was a bad dream and I'l wake up but my eyes won't open, perhaps I should try and move. It was life changing, if this ends and there is a life, perhaps it will be my second chance, I won't waste another chance for sure, I thought.

Struggled a lot, ran aimlessly. It felt like movies, like something bad was about to happen and that even if nothing happens this will never end. I wanted to end this but I didn't know what to do, things weren't in my hands, I felt dejected.

Except for that feeling I was mostly blank, I didn't want to be blank. I wanted to have the usual several thoughts, I actually missed over thinking and over observing because right now at this moment, I couldn't even tell who I was.


The Beginning.

I blinked my eyes, felt slight warmness, heard a noise or two. I kept on blinking my eyes, hopefully.. those few seconds between darkness and light were even more fearful. In hope of seeing brightness, in hope of getting hold of life again.

Hope is such a good feeling, it gives you hope, haha. It gives you this feeling that this is not the end. I remember reading somewhere that learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. We always need to look forward to something, that is perhaps what drives a human, I thought.

Struggled a little but I tried best to focus, to gather my thoughts, to figure out what was happening and what had happened, there was sigh of relief and this part of worrying together, it was a strange and funny feeling. 

Finally it was light, it was bright. There were people around me, smiling, a couple of them crying, in happiness, others trying not to look towards me. I couldn't really move but I felt free and alive.

The journey towards darkness from light from darkness to light teaches you a lot, but then we humans are mostly blind when there is brightness and darkness always has to be an eye opener for us, I thought. 

Everything will be back to normal, hopefully, someone said. Did I just hear hope? I smiled again, this is my second life? I asked myself and ... closed my eyes.



  1. Allah has blessed you with another opportunity to say thanks to Him. Say thanks to the Lord and live your life to please the Almight only. :)

    May Allah bless you with sound health and may you live your life according Allah's will. Ameen. Allahuma Ameen.

    Stay Blessed kiddo.

  2. Omg Rafayy :o Idk what had happened to you but this seriously is worth reading:') Thank Allah for a new beginning.:) -Humna.

  3. In 'the end' session i was 'open full eyes' than in 'the journey' i was like 'omg!! omg!!! omg!!!!!' and in last one it was a relief... soo touchy line are these.. love your blog.. raafay.. n All the Best for your life.. Get Well Soon :)

  4. I feel so good reading the post. Hope you're alright! :D Stay blessed. I've been waiting to ask what happened.
    P.S I love the new look of the blog.

  5. Thank you so much Areeba, thanks for all your support :)

  6. Thank you Humna, loads chocolates for you :D

  7. Thank you Aqsa and I hope you had an idea after reading my FB status? :)

  8. Whatever happened to you gave you a really meaningfull lesson and it was really worth reading it, may god bless you! Keep it up - Hamna

    1. Thank you Hamna, I am perfect thanks Allah :)

  9. This just left me speechless.