All of a sudden everything changes and you are left to ponder what went wrong and how did it go wrong but I guess that is how everything is these days. This everything includes life, circumstances, situation, behavior, moods and even people.
Must say the way everything is right now, it is driving me up the wall. This has to be the spitting image of things that happen every year at a specific time and make me double think the way I have chosen for myself.
This is always a phase where you have to take a few tough decisions so that you don't depend on everything for everything. For sure you want a proper plan to tackle everything that goes on and the longer you delay it the tougher it gets and everything gets messed up and I guess my phase is here, I have to decide the future course of action and if I leave it too late, I will be caught between two stools.
The way I will or have decided upon can be the wrong way or can be the only way forward, but we don't know, we might never know, but sometimes when you have to make a choice, you have no choice you just have to trust your instincts and that is what I am doing, irrespective of the consequences because for me it is the right thing to do, or maybe the only thing to do to stop everything from changing.
Knowing you have to give up so much, knowing that you will have to give up on most of your dreams, the people you care about, the people you want in your life, the places and things that have been a part of your life for a long time, it is not easy, but everything is scary, everything must not change,
On the flip side, it takes the toll on you, trying to do your best without even worrying about everything is exhausting, it is suffocating. There is only so much a human can do and there is only so much I can do but then you know, in your mind, not in your heart, but in your mind that mentally you can't do it no more.
No one wants everything to change, and same is the case with me as I don't want to wake up one day and realize I have lost all of myself when I could have done something to stop it, and for that sacrifices will have to be made, as much as kills me to admit, I will risk everything so that everything does not change and some of me is left to survive.