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Finding Neverland Blog Archive

Friday, September 18, 2015

Story of the Purest Heart

Raafay Awan

My childhood was totally opposite to what a normal childhood is. Actually if I am being very honest I don't even know what a normal childhood is, my perception though is that a good or normal childhood is when you have your parents around, you get to do stupid things and people laugh at them, you get what you ask for, you smile and your mistakes are mostly ignored because you are just a kid.

Therefore kids have always attracted me. When I see them smile, when I see them do silly cute things, when they speak adorable words, In short everything about them excites me. This is the reason that I have always been close to kids. I see my lost childhood in them. Based on my experiences I also felt that kids get attached to me quickly.

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Life in England is as tough as it gets, you barely get time to do anything especially if you are a university student but part time student jobs are an easy way of earning money and who doesn't like some cash in their pockets? Everyone does and I was no exception. So my first few jobs were just for the sake of it, working at TESCO was really boring, McDonald's was a good experience but when you can only smell food and can't eat it gets tough. Debenhams felt like I was at a girl dominated store. There was one thing common about all these jobs, they were tiring.

One day while going through the newspaper over the weekend I came across this advertisement regarding a babysitter, of course with a handsome money. All the thoughts of being around kids came flowing back so I decided to apply for the job and fortunately got it as well. Another reason for applying was also to avoid the tiring routines of the previous job.

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This kid was almost three years old and such a cute little adorable thing. We got along really well from the beginning for several obvious reasons. I played with him along with all his favorite toys, made him food, used to read him stories, watch cartoons together and so many other things which were part of my job description but also because I allowed him to do all the things his parents stopped him from, used to take him out for a walk whenever he wanted, brought him chocolates which I told him to hide under his bed so his parents won't see.

I loved it when he slept in my lap while I told him stories that made no sense. Usually at night he would wrap his arms around my neck, or lay over me and sleep. It was one of the best feelings ever. As most kids of these days are, they love cellphones and he was no exception. We took so many selfies together and he used to throw my phone away and laugh and also broke my phone twice but that didn't matter to me as long as he was smiling.

In almost two months we got extremely close. He wouldn't eat most of the times without me, he would not sleep without me and last January when I had to take some time off due to my semester exams he had high fever for days. Natural it was, for a kid whose parents aren't home most of the times. I would be lying if I say I didn't miss being around him, watching him do everything.

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All these times with kids and observing everything they do and how they do it had taught me a lot about life. I noticed that they are never afraid of trying new things and especially do things you stop them from because of their curiosity. They will love or hate you from their heart no matter what they will make it obvious. They have the power to make you smile or laugh anytime they want even if you are not in the best of moods. They will notice everything so carefully and can easily tell if someone is feeling good or bad. They forgive and forget within not time. 

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Things were not going well for me. My health went from bad to worse during April. I hadn't told anyone because of some reasons but whenever I went to babysit him, he would look at me curiously as I sit on the sofa or lay on the bed trying to ease the pain. Later on he'd just hug me for long and say nothing while I just closed my eyes pretending to be normal. When nothing worked he would try and do all the things on which I used to laugh previously, in short he tried his best to make me feel normal.

I skipped a couple of weeks and didn't go to work. On the very last day at the end of May when I went to visit his place to tell his parents that I won't be able to continue my job as I was gonna have a surgery, he just would not let me go maybe sensing that something was odd about my visit. After waiting for him to go somewhere and I can leave when I reached the front door, there he was standing with his hands wide open and crying, wanting me to take him in his arms. 

The hard time it was for me, this made me really sad. He did let me go after a lot of convincing and promises. I made him promise that he will sleep on time and would not cry at all because I will be back in no time. In my heart though I kinda told myself it was the last time I was ever gonna see him.

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June was tough for me for so many reasons but the surgery went successful. For the first few days I could barely remember anything and felt so weak. Couple of weeks went by and I started to feel normal, I moved to my aunt's place from the hospital. Things felt better one day worse the other and it was the toughest phase of my life which brought a lot of struggle. There were days when I would give up all the hope.

Then one day, on my birthday to be precise, he visited me with his parents. They told me he didn't cry much this time and slept on time and that he kept on saying that he wanted to meet you so here he is.

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I can still recall that moment, two of his favorite toys in his hands. He came running towards me on the bed and literally jumped over me and tried hugging me. His hands were wrapped around my arm and he just would not let go. He said nothing, did nothing just stayed there for a good long time.

For once, even I didn't have anything to say. As I moved my hands in his hair I just wished that more people, more of us grown ups can be like this kid. We have temporary emotions, we forget all the good people and the good things in our lives easily, kids don't. He was there for me, many of the people I expected to be there, weren't. It was the best example.

Next thing I noticed, he had a chocolate in his hand, the same one I brought him sometime back. 
'Keep it under the bed' he said. 'No one will know I gave it to you.'
Then, he hugged me again. 

I smiled. After such a long time. I genuinely smiled. Because I knew at that very moment, I have finally found the purest of hearts. At least until he doesn't grow old and become one of like us. 

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