Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Wager

Lonely Kid

Written By: Hafsa Sheikh

When I said I wouldn't talk to you again for as I long as I lived
I gave in after a day
but you, 
you could keep it up for three months and you did
you really did
you made me realize my silence doesn't mean anything to you
because what am I but a burden to you?

What am I but a waste of space hoarding your home with my existence?
what am I but a useless extension of you?
thank you for giving me your blood, I let it out every night to get you out of my veins
I fail, of course, because i am made of you 
(not because I'm incompetent)

I'm glad sleep comes easy to you after you tell me my death would be a source of relief to you
but why wouldn't it? this is routine for us after all -
you telling me the 'truth' about myself yet embracing the lies about yourself
a good morning in our house is when you wake up late and I've already left
and a good night is when- i wouldn't know;you lock me out if I come home after 10:00
remember that night in December last year?
you locked me out in the cold and I got pneumonia?
and you told the doctor it was because i was walking on thin ice? (I was, in a way)
what a beautiful way to start a new year
what a beautiful way to raise a child

I still have scars on my wrists but that's on me, I don't blame you
but the scars on my mind, that's all on you
and I hope when you hear of my death, you forget what I was to you
(I'll obviously die before you do)
but don't worry, I won't waste my time haunting you.

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